Why My Singleness is Abundant

Singleness is second best.

Singleness is a punishment.

Singleness is a holding cell until my real life begins. Until I am finally good enough to be a wife. Until God has finally decided I have learned whatever it was I needed to learn.

"Oh, no," people say. "Please don't believe these lies." 

But this is how I feel.

From inconsiderate comments of people asking multiple times why I don't have a boyfriend, to people promising me marriage in the future, and others trying to set me up or fix me so that a guy will notice me, I began to feel this way.

But mostly it has been me. I take those comments and stew on them. I go back over every situation with a single guy I have ever had and critique my appearance, my words, my lack of words, my actions, if I looked at him too much or didn't look at him long enough. I start poisoning my heart with lies and ruthless scrutiny. 

And that is how the biggest lie formed- my life is worthless if I am single.

Despite the Christian culture's bent and emphasis toward marriage (most adult Christians seem to be married or wanting to be married) the Bible is balanced. The Bible is full of married people but there also single people who are important, like the apostle Paul. 

We are familiar with 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about singleness. He writes, "Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am... (6-8, ESV). Paul continues to say that single men and women are free to be only concerned with the things of the Lord, which is a gift. And surely if Paul was himself single and thought it wise for everyone to be single, why should I feel inferior or second best as a single woman?

But I ashamedly admit that I take little comfort from that verse. It is a good reminder that God sees singleness as good and better for sharing the gospel- our most important task. But through my sinful, discouraged, and heart heavy eyes I read Paul's words bitterly, like I volunteered as tribute but unlike Katniss it wasn't out of love for my sister but because I was the only one with no husband to love. So I stood up and sacrificed my loveless self saying, "Yes, Lord, I guess it makes sense that it should be me who is single."

Oh how wrong those thoughts are. Just seeing their lies and bitterness and false teaching makes me cringe.

But it was how I felt. How I still struggle with feeling.

I know my thought process is wrong. I would tell anyone that of course singleness isn't second best. Paul considered it to be best and the best way to be undistractedly devoted to God and His gospel, who is what we life for. And who cares what my relationship status is while I wait to live with Jesus forever?

Well, I do. A lot.

I know the truth. I believe the truth. But I don't stop feeling and wanting.

And I don't think I will ever stop feeling and wanting to be married.

But there's this little verse that has changed me. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and 
destroy. I came that they might have 
life and have it abundantly."

John 10:10

Jesus did not come to this earth to just give me life in Himself, but to give me an abundant life! He came for my abundance!

I'm not saying Jesus came to give me everything my heart desires and a perfect life according to my specific specifications. No. I may marry someday and I may be single for the rest of my life. Either way, I am meant to have an abundant life through Jesus.

As this verse began to burrow itself deeper and deeper into my heart I remembered this blog, "An Abundant Singleness".

I labored over the name of this blog. I started it as a way to process my hard journey through singleness, to preach the gospel to myself in this situation, and to hopefully connect with and encourage other single ladies on the way. And I settled on the word abundant because it was a word that wasn't wallowing in my unwanted situation but proclaiming that my happiness and my joy was fixed in Jesus and His death and resurrection on the cross.

So that is what I will continue to do.

This singleness is hard and unwanted. I fear its continuation. But Jesus died so that I might live my life abundantly with Him. Singleness is what He has chosen for me at least right now and it is not second best or a punishment. It is the way He has seen fit to give me an abundant life.