Today, I am thankful.
A few weeks ago flowers were given out at my church for Mother's Day. I am not a mother, but I was given a pot of flowers.
I have heard of single women left out in their churches, where Mother's Day gifts are handed out and they are ignored because they are not mothers. And though it is true that they are not mothers, they want to be. It is an unnecessary cruelty. A visible shunning from the body of Christ who should love them.
But my church is not like that.
I have been promised marriage from people who are married and really have no category for the fact that it is not a guarantee for everyone. I have been the brunt of a few rude and inconsiderate comments.
But for the most part my church is not like that.
I got flowers.
And I am thankful.
It is a good reminder that there is more than one way to be a mother. I can financially support a child in another country. I can love on the kids in my church. And most importantly, we can be spiritual parents.
So today I am thankful for my flowers.
Overview
There are many books about living life as a single Christian, but none about singles in the church. That is until Gina Dalfonzo brings to light the unique plights of singles who feel left out in family oriented churches and what churches can do to welcome single people.
What I Liked
I love and am thankful for the topic of this book. Many people do not realize how hard it can often be for singles at church. Even at the most friendly, healthy, and gospel centered churches, we sit alone surrounded by couples with their arms around each other. We gladly serve in the nursery, but wonder if we'll ever have children of our own. We go out of our comfort zones and talk to people of all ages, backgrounds, relationships statuses, and walks of life, but we can't help longing for more people like us. We are a minority in the church. We are different. Dalfonzo address these things in "One by One", and you can almost hear the collective sigh of singles everywhere.
What I Didn't Like
In general, I found the tone of this book to be angry and bitter. Granted, there are some instances where her anger is justified. And I am not trying to take a "holier than thou" attitude. I have my own bitterness and anger issues when it comes to my prolonged singleness. But as I read this book I felt myself becoming more frustrated, bitter, and angry with my singleness. This could be an even bigger turn off for readers who may already have the bias that single people are always angry, bitter, and selfishly living their life- an attitude and assumption Dalfonzo is trying to correct.
Dalfonzo calls out specific ideas, beliefs, and people in this book, and many of them rightly so. I was shocked at and hurt by certain views and attitudes on singleness that that church has. But there were two men she criticized, specifically Mohler and Piper, that I did not appreciate and thought was badly done. I freely admit my bias in favor of these two men. Piper is one of my favorite preachers and I have been blessed significantly by his writings, ministry, and podcasts. And if I ever went to seminary, I would only go to Southern where Mohler is currently president. But in spite of my bias, I think Dalfonzo has been unfair. There is one time where she criticizes Mohler and while I think he should have been more clear and should not have generalized singles, she misunderstands him. The second time she criticizes Mohler and Piper, is a statement where she calls them out but never shares what these men said that was so offensive to singles.
Dalfonzo also spends a lot of time criticizing books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" that give strict rules for courtship. I agree with Dalfonzo in that I don't think that is the only "biblical" way to date. But I think Dalfonzo goes too far. If that is the way an individual wants to date, who are we to say they can't?
Conclusion
Overall, I thought this book would be alerting Christians to the singles in the church and some of the unique challenges we face and then giving them advice on how to love us. While "One By One" did technically do that, I thought a lot of the book was complaining, it lacked a good gospel and theological base, and the section showing people how to love singles was short in comparison. I don't think this book is bad, but it was disappointing and I would sadly not recommend it.
