Okay, maybe once. But it didn't count. It was in high school and this guy wanted me to go to the prom with him because he knew we could just go as friends. But he never had the nerve to ask me. He just announced to the room that he would like me to go with him. So in my book that doesn't count.
Guys don't flirt with me.
Okay, two have. The first guy sat next to me on the plane and was a bored extrovert and getting more drunk with each gulp of beer. The second guy I think just wanted to be friends and didn't know how to be friendly without flirting. So those don't really count either.
I have never been on a date.
Not even ones that I can say they don't count.
So I did what I think every other girl would do. I did a math equation in my head. No dates = No beauty. What other explanation could there be?
Well let me tell you, LOTS!
Maybe it means that the guys that are attracted to me value me as a child of God and as a woman who's heart they don't want to take chances with unless they know for sure they want to pursue a relationship with me.
Maybe they tend to be more quiet like me.
Maybe no guy has ever been attracted to me. At least enough to do something about it.
I don't know why I have never gone on a date.
I may never know why. It may be one of the many questions I ask Jesus in Heaven.
But this is what I have to ask myself:
Do I believe that I am beautiful?Not beautiful in the sense that I could be a model, that the boys don't know what they are missing, that I just have to believe in myself and be confident in my beauty. No, the beauty I am talking about is how God formed me in my mother's womb, how He made me look and be exactly what He imagined and intended for me. How could I want black hair? How could I dream of a perfect tan when the Master of the Universe created me to be the way I am? My beauty is not based on how many guys have liked me, but in the way my God created me. In the way He sent His son to die for my wicked sins against Him.
Do I believe that I can trust God?
God gave me brown, wavy hair, hazel eyes, and Snow White pale skin for a reason. I am also single for a reason. I've never been on a date for a reason. All reasons that I don't know. Sometimes I don't like the skin, hair, and eyes God gave me. I confess I hate my single status. But do I trust My God who set all of this in motion? Who commanded my eyes to be hazel and decreed before the foundation of the earth that at the age of 21 I still would never have gone on a date? Yes, I trust Him. I trust the one who knows how alone and frustrated I can feel. Who decreed that I be single and feel lonely. Who also gave me the ultimate cure for my loneliness. Because who else would I trust?
So I believe my beauty, my worth, is only in one man who was also fully God and was sent to die for me.
I believe that I can trust the very one who has called me to be single. The very one who has given me life.
Sometimes I imagine what it will be like when I get to heaven and I can ask Jesus anything.
"How did all of the different races come from only Adam and Eve?"
"What happened to the Roanoke Colony?"
"Why did no guy ever ask me out?"
"I was protecting your wayward heart for one guy," Jesus might say.
"To teach you patience."
"To help you only rely on me."
Or maybe, when I get to heaven, it will already not matter because I will be with the One my soul longs for.